The

Dumb Bitch Kitchen

The

Dumb Bitch Kitchen

Let's learn to cook together!

Lemon Bloob Mini Muffs

Bake

400 ° F

Ingredients

For Muffs

• 1 1/2 cups flour
  
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
• 6 tablespoons unsalted butter (melted)
• 3/4 cup brown sugar
• 1 cup pumpkin puree
• 1 egg
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  

For Icing

• 4 ounces cream cheese (softened)
  
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter (softened)
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  

Let's do this shit

For Loafs

• In a large bowl beat butter, sugar, lemon juice, and eggs
  
• In a separate bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and salt. Stir some of this mixture into the first, then stir in some milk. Repeat until both drys and milk are gone
• Beat well after each addition
  
• Fold in lemon peel and bloobs
  
• I like to just drop the bloobs on top of the batter once in the baking mold
  
• Pour into greased mini loaf pan (or muffin or mini muffin tray- I dont fucking care, dude)
  
• Bake
• For mini loafs check at 35 minutes
  
• For Muffs or mini muffs check at 20 minutes
  

For Glaze

• Combine all ingredients and drizzle over the goods
  

Let's do this shit

• Wash the pear
  
• Otherwise you a nasty
  
• Thinly slice pear
  
• Toast the bread
  
• While the bread toasts, roughly chop pecans
• Spread ricotta over toast, drizzle with honey, top with pear; pecans, and a sprinkle of cinnamon
• Eat that shit
  

Let's do this shit

• Preheat the oven
• Mix all the drys together with a whisk or using a kitchen-aid
  
• I guess you can save this dry mix up to 6 months?
  
• Add eggs, oil, and vanilla. Mix until *just* combined
  
• Pour into a 9x9 pan and bake for 20-25 minutes

*Hint

After allowing the brownies to cool, use a plastic knife (sorry turtles) to cut them. Idk why this works because I am not a scientist. Just trust me.

Let's do this shit

First Mixture

• Cream butter and honey together using a KitchenAid or a hand mixer ​(or use your grubby little sausage fingers, what do I care)
  
• Add the eggs one at a time and mix well after each addition
  

Second Mixture

• Mix salt and baking soda into the mashed naners
  
• Add to first mixture
• Add vanilla
• Add flour slowly and mix well
• Bake in loaf pan (or whatever) for 1 hour
  

*Add chocolate chips to batter if you ​want a little razzle dazzle. Or add ​nuts if you fucking hate yourself and ​other people you offer banana bread ​to.

Bake

350 ° F​

Let's do this shit

• Season chicken with salt and pepper and cut a deep slit in each breast without cutting all the way through
  
• Stuff each chicken titty with 2-3 tablespoons mozzarella and close the edges to seal
• Set up three large bowls. In the first, pour 1/2 cup flour. In the second, beat two eggs. In the third, mix 1/2 cup bread crumbs and 1/3 cup parmesan
• One breast at a time, dredge in flour, then in eggs, then in the bread crumb mix
• Tap off all excess at each step
  
• Heat your pan over medium with olive oil. Once hot, add the bird boobs and sauté for 4 minutes on each side
  
• Pour marinara over the chicken and sprinkle remaining mozzarella over the top
• Transfer pan to oven and bake at 400 ° for 15 -20 minutes
• Chicken should be 165 ° inside
  
• Garnish
  

Let's do this shit

• Put first 7 ingredients (up to basil) in the InstaPot. Set to pressure cook on high for 5 minutes and press start
  
• Whisk together flour and water until smooth. Set aside
• When InstaPot is done, hit cancel, release air, and remove lid
• Set to sauté on medium and bring the soup back to a boil, stirring frequently
• Give the flour slurry a final whisk and pour 1/2 into the soup, stirring a bit until it comes back to a boil. Repeat the process of adding the four slurry until it's gone, bringing the soup back to a boil every time you add slurry
• Use hand blender to puree the soup
• Or pour soup into a blender, puree, and return to InstaPot
  
• Press cancel and stir in the cheese
  
• Add the cream and sugar
• Salt to taste
  

Let's do this shit

• If using frozen scrimpies, toss them in a colander and run them under cold water to thaw slightly and get rid of any ice crystals. Pat dry with a paper towel
• Preheat a large skillet over medium heat
• While the skillet heats up, small dice the bacon
• Once skillet it hot, add the bacon and cook for 4-5 minutes until bacon is crispy. Stir occasionally. Set aside on a paper towel lined plate and remove skillet from heat. Leave the bacon drippings in the skillet
  
• Trim the zucchini ends and use a potato peeler to create "noodles"
• A julienne will make actual noodle shapes but like unless Martha Stewart is reading this I'm unsure how common an appliance it is....
  
• Halve the tomatoes
  
• Return skillet (with bacon drippings) to medium heat. Add tomatoes, Italian seasoning, crushed red pepper, salt, and pepper. Cook for 3-4 minutes stirring occasionally
• Grate parm if not pre-grated
• Add garlic and shrimp bois to the skillet. Cook 1-2 minutes on each side
• Add spinach one handful at a time, allowing spinach to wilt slightly before adding the next handful
• Add zucchini noodles, parm (save some for garnish), and cream to skillet. Cook 1-2 minutes, stirring occasionally
• Pick off basil leaves, roll them hot dog style, and cut into ribbons. Add half to skillet and stir to combine. Remove from heat
• Serve with more parm and more basil

Let's do this shit

• Preheat the oven
• Grease a cookie sheet with oil (use a meatloaf pan if you love dry ass meat)
• Soak bread crumbs in milk for around 5 minutes
• When bread crumbs are soaked, add meats, egg, parmesan, parsley, garlic, onion, sage, and some salt and pepper
• Gently fold all ingredients together, try not to overwork the meat. Hehe
• Shape into a really appetizing looking log on the cookie sheet and drape with the bacon
• Bake 45-60 minutes, basting occasionally
• You can use a baster, brush, or spoon. Just get some liquid over it
  
• When done, the internal temperature should be 160° F
  

Let's do this shit

• Cook pasta according to package directions; drain
  
• Crumble sausage into a Dutch oven and cook over medium heat until no longer pink; drain (I actually have no clue why you need a Dutch oven for this... I say use a big pan and if it sucks its still your fault)
• Stir spaghetti sauce and pasta into the meat
• In a large bowl, combine the egg, ricotta, and mozzarella
• Spoon half the pasta mixture into a greased shallow (like your ex) 3qt baking dish; layer with cheese mixture and remaining pasta mixture
• Cover and bake at 375° F for 40 minutes or until the pasta is 160° F in the middle
• Uncover and top with Romano cheese; bake 5 minutes longer; top with basil if you fancy
• Feast
  

Let's do this shit

• Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat
  
• Add ground beef and cook until brown
• Stir in taco seasoning
• Drain fat and meat aside in a separate bowl (we’ll need the skillet ​again)
• Heat up the nacho cheese and the tortillas (in the microwave, you ​don’t need to get weird about it we’re making knock off Tbell)
• Place meat in the center of a 12 inch tortilla, layer with nacho cheese ​and a tostada sell
• Spread sour cream on the tostada and top with lettuce, tomato, ​onion, cheese, and an 8 inch tortilla
• Fold in edges
• Heat remaining oil and place wrap seam side down until brown (~2 ​minutes), flip and repeat
  

#AndItsGoodToGo

...But if you must

Me

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